


Forbidden love

by EmperorAdrian



Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-01
Updated: 2017-03-01
Packaged: 2018-09-27 19:06:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10040438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmperorAdrian/pseuds/EmperorAdrian
Summary: Amarie is remembered for being Finrod's beloved. Many would say otherwise





	

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: This is the most angsty fic I have ever written

Findarato stood next to his siblings, holding back tears, gazing away from the married couple. He was not going to let himself cry in the wedding, even if it broke his heart. No, he would not let Turukano see his tears. 

 

"You may kiss the bride."--The Maia declared, and Turukano's lips met Elenwe's. Findarato looked down, turning his face away. 

 

"Let the celebrations begin!"--His grandfather exclaimed, and soon the room was filled with feasts and dances. Findarato sat down next to his sister, hardly containing his tears. 

 

"Artanis, is your brother alright?"--He heard his father ask behind him.

 

"He is slightly ill, that is all."--She responded, and his father said nothing more. 

 

Artanis turned to Findarato. "We can leave anytime now."--She whispered, and Findarato assented. 

 

Just as he was standing up from his chair, Findarato saw Amarie coming forward. He tried to avoid her, walking towards the exit, but it was too late. Amarie reached towards him. 

 

"Ingoldo! What are you doing here, sulking all by yourself? Come, dance with me!"--She said cheerfuly. 

 

Findarato would have tried to dissuade her, but he knew that once an idea had gotten into her head there was no saying otherwise. With a sigh, he walked with her towards the center of the room. Amarie took her hand in his and moved with glee, dancing gracefully. But all Findarato could think of was in Turukano, who was now dancing with Elenwe.

 

Did Turukano feel the same sorrow that tormented Findarato? Or had he already forgotten his past lover, who he had left to marry another? Findarato gazed at Turukano, his face without any evident grief. His expression was blank, neither joyful nor sorrowful. 

 

He suddenly felt Turukano's gaze upon him, which made Findarato shiver. He let go of Amarie's hand, stopping all movement.

 

"Ingoldo, are you unwell?"-He heard Amarie say, but he was already walking away. 

 

Findarato ran towards the bathroom, closed the door and sat down. It was then that he let out a sob, and tears ran down his face. He cried even when he felt he could possibly have no more tears to shed, but not even then was his pain soothed.

 

He heard the door open, and turned only to see Turukano standing by the door. He stood up, vainly trying to pretend that he had not been weeping. "What are you doing here?"

 

Turukano was speechless for a moment, but finally spoke. "I saw you dancing with Amarie."--He said, his voice trembling. 

 

Findarato stared at him. "And?"

 

Turukano sat next to him, and for a moment he looked so fragile that Findarato feared he might break down. "You do not love her. You can't... you can't marry her." 

 

A wave of anger overcame Findarato. "You are unbelievable! First you break my heart, marry Elenwe, and now you are saying I can't move on? Eru, you are so selfish!" 

 

"Do you not think that I am suffering as well? Do you not know that every time I have to feign affection for Elenwe I am dying on the inside? That I can't forget you, that I can't love anyone else?"--Turukano exclaimed, his voice turning increasingly agitated

 

Findarato felt a sudden pang of pain, as if he had been stabbed. It would have been easier for him to accept that Turukano felt nothing for him, but it was even more painful to know that Turukano felt the same. "You chose it to be this way, didn't you? You were the one that broke up with me." 

 

"You must understand. It was my duty to my father, to the house of Finwe."

 

"What I understand is that nobody forced you to marry. Your father has never even asked Findekano, his heir, to marry or to have children for that matter. Why then would he ask that of you?"

 

"Findekano is different. Father may not admit or mention it, but he knows of what goes between him and Russandol. He may have never asked me to be wed, but I know that he would not be pleased for another of his sons to have an affair with another elf. Even less so if he happened to be my cousin."

 

Findarato knew that there was truth in Turukano's words, but refused to admit it. "He has not attempted to put an end to Findekano's relationship with Russandol. Why would he do any different if he knew of us?"

 

Turukano sighed, and Findarato soon knew that he had left something unsaid. "Because they are half cousins, Findarato. Half cousins are the only exception to the rule. By all the laws of the Eldar, Findekano could even marry Russandol if he wished to. But we are full cousins, and thus it is forbidden. Do you not understand? Our love, our relationship... it is a disgrace."

 

His last words wounded Findarato in a way no other words had ever done so. Turukano had always been reluctant to admit his love for Findarato, and even when his feelings had been corresponded, Findarato felt that he was still against their relationship. Had he always felt ashamed of their love? Of him?

 

"Is this why you married Elenwe?"--He asked at last, and tears began to form in his eyes once more.

 

Turukano's expression was pained, realizing he had said too much. "Findarato..."--His voice was soothing, as if he were talking to a child.

 

"Answer me! Is this why you married Elenwe? So that you could have an excuse to break up with me?"

 

Turukano's eyes widened. "No!... I... Why would I do that? Have I not proved my love to you?"

 

But Findarato could not be swayed, and saw the lie in Turukano's eyes. "You were ever ashamed of us, weren't you? Tell me, Turno, did you ever even love me? Or were you just faking it the whole time, like you are now with Elenwe?"

Turukano kneeled, pleading. "Findarato... I might have been hesitant to show it so, but my love for you never waned. Not then. Not now."

 

Findarato shook his head. "And what now? Will you live unhappy this whole time? You must learn to love her with the time."

"Alas, Findarato, you know that will never come to be."

 

"I would rather see you happy, even if I have to live with such pain."

 

"Run away with me, then."--Turukano said boldly, standing up.

 

"What? Turukano, I can't..."

 

"Run away with me. Please."--He begged, passionately kissing his neck and then his lips.

 

"Turukano..."--He moaned, kissing him back."

 

"It is the only way we can be happy. Let us run away to middle earth. Anywhere away from here."

 

Findarato separated himself from his lover, resisting such temptation. "I cannot."--He said, his voice heavy with sadness.--"You are now married, and have a wife to tend to. Soon you will have a child, and I... I can't live with that."

Turukano lowered his head. "I understand."--He kissed Findarato once more, bidding him farewell

 

***

Findarato met with Amarie, who was awaiting him in the dawn of night. Her pale hair flowed against the wind, and Findarato knew that he had no other choice. It was for the best, and it would prove to be the least painful.

 

"You said you needed to talk to me. What is it?"--She asked, her voice full of concern.

 

Findarato sighed, unsure about how to tell her so. "I cannot be with you. I-I am sorry."

 

"Are you breaking off our engagement then ?"--She asked with tears in her eyes.

 

Findarato assented. "I did not mean to cause you any pain. But some things cannot be."--He said sourly.

 

Amarie looked away. "It is someone else, is it not?"

 

Findarato did not know how to respond to such question. "I am sorry."

 

"Tell me, Ingoldo, is that someone worthier of your love than me? Is she fairer than me? What does she have that I cannot give you?"

"Amarie, this has nothing to do with you. Any elf would be happy to be loved by someone as lovely as yourself. And if you must know, my feelings are unrequited. My beloved belongs to another."

 

"Why then do you reject me so? With the time, you could learn to love me. Is my love for you not enough?

 

"We both know that would never make you happy, nor would it make me so."

 

Amarie understood. "If your heart ever changes, I will be waiting for you. No other elf shall be betrothed to me but you."

 

Findarato shook his head. "I would not ask this of you, for I cannot love anyone else."

"You need not to ask. My heart belongs to you, just as yours belongs to someone else."--Amarie left with those words, saying no more.

 

If anyone were to ask her who her love was given to, she would have said Findarato's name without a doubt. Yet it is not widely known that Findarato could never bring himself to love her, and thus never wedded or had children of his own.

 


End file.
